choices and stubborness

hey yo... its great being able to just blog here without anyone disturbing you. haha

so yup, i'm out of sispec and now at my home unit, the place where i'll be for the next 1 year and two more months. its an infantry unit by the way, and well, that means more chionging all the way.

anyway, went to see a specialist about my knee. interestingly he didn't ask me to go for an x-ray to see if my condition got worse. But oh well, after a few leg 'tests', he recommended 6 weeks rmj to go rest the poor knee before flying off to brunei.

Pretty thankful for that, cuz well, at least i get the rest from all the rushing that i thought i would have to face in the unit (just like bmtc and sispec). Interestingly enough, unit life really isn't so bad after all. On the contrary, there's quite a fair bit of free time, so haha not that bad after all.

More interestingly, into the first week of unit life, my RSM told me that cuz of my condition, I might get posted to be an int spec. Haha guess the amount of joy I felt after that. whee at last a chance to try something different and new.

however, my posting still wasn't confirmed yet, until further into the month when everyone else was slotted in nicely. so I did have the worry that, hey, i may not get what i want.

so what did i do about it? just persisted in prayer for that whole week, pleading with God that He would grant me my dream post. and in fact, that was the first thing on my list each night.

you may say i may be a very pious, religious person, but hey, that's where i think i crashed and burned badly. cuz in my prayers, i was just stubbornly praying that i would get what i want, instead of praying, "Oh Lord, let Your will be done' Worse still, i kept pleading for my request to be fulfilled, knowing full well that what i was doing was wrong. i mean, i did ponder to myself that by just letting God decide where i go to, i may get a better deal in the long run. but, i guess i just chose to throw in the towel along the way, and quit the path of faithfulness towards my God.

I feel ashamed... ashamed at cutting down my own cross

Well, i've gotten what i want now, but i'm beginning to feel the pains (and regrets) of stubbornly choosing my own path. I'm now separated from my pals who came here together with me from hotel platoon 3. and well, i really treasure these guys (bk, meng hwee, weijun, jar-min), but gotta let go of them now as they trudge out their own paths in their own company. also, i have no section to lead. wonder if it is a good thing or not, but well, guess i missed the essence of being in an unit.

thankfully, God still never forgot my fear of loneliness; Joel also got posted along with me. well, at least someone else I can talk to, but well, 2 guys tend to get familiar with each other too quickly, and then we realise that there's nothing else left to talk about. that's when the coldness sets in again. sigh... hope it stays wrong between us...

do hope my pals are having a great time together with their company and each other.

~Oh God, don't abandon me~


----------------------------

8 "Hear, O my people, and I will warn you— if you would but listen to me, O Israel
9 You shall have no foreign god among you;

you shall not bow down to an alien god.
10 I am the LORD your God,

who brought you up out of Egypt.

Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.
11 "But my people would not listen to me;

Israel would not submit to me.
12 So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.
13 "If my people would but listen to me,

if Israel would follow my ways,
14 how quickly would I subdue their enemies

and turn my hand against their foes!
15 Those who hate the LORD would cringe before him,

and their punishment would last forever.
16 But you would be fed with the finest of wheat;

with honey from the rock I would satisfy you."

-Psalm 81: 8-16