For a start, I'm a sgt with a stupid 'jack-knife', hence i'm supposed to be able to do more things than my fellow peers and do my tasks well in a smarter, more efficient way.
Yet somehow, things don't seem to work out as they are. Here's the list:
1) I'm blur
Think that's my biggest defect within me. My brain is just dull and I tend to do things in a long, roundabout way. I fail to see how a task can be done in a more obvious and easier way. For eg, when i scan through a list, i find a mistake on pg 2. I edit the mistake and print out the new list, only to find another mistake on pg 3. i edit that mistake and then find another mistake on pg 5... that sort of thing. Dumb right? my defense is that i'm tired out, cuz i did this at around 9pm. but hey, my good buddy was also doing his own stuff till that time and he's equally tired out as me. he asked why i didn't check through the entire thing 1st, edit at one shot and print at one shot? I was speechless, then just nodded my head and said, " oh yar hor.."
Yeah, think i'm not using enough of my brains. I mean, i'm certain i'm a smart person, but now my brain is just a sponge that absorbs info but can never utilise the knowledge that i have. my brain can't even think through the ways that i can complete tasks. yeah, my brain is just a sponge that is damn good at exams, but sux at doing other things. die man, how to survive when i work?
thankfully got my good buddy here who is observant and somehow knows everything that's going on. Sometimes I ask him how he knows, then he gives me the 'its-so-bloody-obvious' look or the 'i-thought-you-were-there-when-this-guy-told-us-about-it' look. Makes me wonder why I seem to miss out so many things. Gosh, i feel more like a liability than an asset, so inferior. Am I really so blur, or plain oblivious, or both????
2) Dunno What Everyone is Doing
Just like yesterday in the office, everyone was doing something useful and they KNEW what they had to do. For me, i just wandered around the office, wandering WHAT i had to do. It seems like I've finished most important tasks and there was nothing for me at the moment, but it can't be, cuz everyone else was doing something. Just went around wandering what I could do within my area of responsibility. But no leh, found nothing. Tried to think of the not so important stuff that i had always wanted to do, but couldn't think of it leh. Tried to see how I could help, but not so well-versed in the other areas of responsibility. Sigh just frustrated, cuz i was walking around like a man who has no instructions from his boss. I mean, I am, to a certain extent, a superior, yet I was just wandering around like an employee. you know how frustrating that is?
3) Bother about the wrong things
Yeah, ok, prob its because our priorities are different. But then, my good buddy seems to know the more important things to bother about, while i choose to bother about the superficial things. Sigh confused...
4) Too good a life last time
Yeah this is my 'retribution'. Led such a spoilt life when I was young.. Now come here, simple things like tearing scotch tape without a scissors also cannot do properly. Sigh so inadequate. Gotta really start doing things on my own..
Sigh... Just feel useless and inadequate at where I am now. Is this the punishment for my (supposed) disobedience?
~confused~
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26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
We do not know what we ought to pray for,
but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit,
because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
~Romans 8:26-27
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