Sunday, August 31, 2008

Procrastinating Change

Alas, my blog has again fallen into another state of disrepair and lack of updating. But hey, only never update for two months what. Thought I haven't updated it for 6 months. haha...

If there's one part of me that must change, its my habit of realising that there are things to be done and I don't do anything about it. Think that's a poor habit if me, cuz a lot of things just get piled up and I get really discouraged having to sieve through the pile of crap I must do that's overdue.

Think even in work, that's the same thing. People pick up the leftover pieces for me, but why can't I do it? Just because I'm in a position of leadership? (well, would you even call it leadership?)

Been thrust with lots of things to consider about myself these days. All those years that I've been training up to be a leader since my time in ac, am I really the leader everyone expects after all those years? Or am I just stuck in my own world, thinking that I am the right leader and everyone else is wrong?

Read this in one of my friends' blog: 
"I believe leadership is an innate trait or rather your affinity for leadership is fixed. Its either you are (or can become) a good leader or you just stink at the whole entire thing. Being stuck in a hierarchical organisation... taught me a lot of things about leadership. And sometimes people who just plain suck are put in positions where they are about as useful as a piece of meat. Sure sure, they can be the most enthusiastic person in the entire world but whats the point if they can’t lead. The worst part is if they are stuck in this distorted, warped reality of theirs that they actually can!"

Been also thinking about what it means to have humility. I searched it up and here are some definitions of it:

  • Distrust of one's self or one's own powers; lack of self-reliance; modesty; modest reserve; bashfulness. (taken from Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary)
  • the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc (taken from Unabridged (v 1.1) )
Comparing it to this book that I'm reading, entitled Humility (by Andrew Murray), it is 'simply the sense of entire nothingness, which comes when we see how truly God is all, and in which we make way for God to be all.'

Sheesh, to have humility is not an easy thing. sigh..

Think I'm worrying about too many things at a go.. Should take it a step at a time.